my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
operation have a gay friend backfired
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
