Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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