Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
