Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
