you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
