Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
