so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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