11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I have demons in me.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
