Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
