every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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