I cannot find my penis.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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