i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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