did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
