Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
