my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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