Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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