The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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