i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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