So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
