dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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