I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
