i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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