Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
