next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
