Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize