I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
