My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
