If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
