only if we run a train.
done.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize