I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
dude i'm inner monologue high
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
i believe in u and ur pee
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
