Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
