I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
