Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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