guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize