How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I am midnight drunk by noon
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
