the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My cat gives me a boner
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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