I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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