is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
