alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
