dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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