We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
