Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Boobs are out for the taking
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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