One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
