I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I wish they made helmets for livers.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
