I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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