today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
