She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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