You made me cry and you don't even care
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
