It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
