You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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