I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
