yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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