She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize