He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
