i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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