Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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