shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
