i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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