i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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