i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
we're so committed to being not committed
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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