When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
