Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
